Let me set everything up. You’re at a local gathering and, in spite of not knowing numerous individuals, having a flat out hoot meeting new companions to add to the program. At that point out of nowhere the discussion you’re having changes tack and starts cruising straight for your private life. As a transparently gay lady this is prime for one of my annoyances — ladies saying they the amount they’d love to be in my boots. So here’s the reason it’s not alright for straight ladies to state they want to be gay.
Despite the fact that I’m extremely mindful that hetero connections have similarly the same number of complexities, ups, downs, and dubious occasions to explore — straight individuals are in a position of benefit. It’s unbelievably frightful to be told by a straight individual that they wish they could resemble you. Here are only a couple of reasons why.
Despite the fact that it’s 2020, marriage correspondence exists in certain nations, and homosexuality has been decriminalized in specific pieces of the world (AKA as indicated by the Human Dignity Trust it’s as yet illicit in 73 nations); numerous individuals from the LGBTQ+ people group keep on encountering scorn and mistreatment in their day by day lives. In the interim, a 2017 Stonewall study, which reviewed 5000 individuals from the UK LGBT people group, found that one of every five LGBT individuals had encountered a despise wrongdoing or occurrence identifying with their sexual direction as well as sex personality in the year 2016-17.
By and by I’ve been fortunate enough to have encountered moderately barely any homophobic episodes, by the by I despite everything remain agonizingly mindful that persistent abuse is an issue looked by numerous individuals in my locale. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody so why the hellfire would you wish that on yourself?
Lamentably most ladies know about the sentiment of not being protected. Possibly it’s strolling home around evening time alone with your keys in your grasp, or the baffling tension of undesirable advances whenever, anyplace. In any event, getting a taxi can feel like a helpless circumstance. So envision what it resembles for two ladies out on the town? Being a lesbian isn’t all pad battles and brushing each other’s hair. It’s checking out you to check in the event that you can clasp hands. It’s knowing in specific conditions and places you’re undependable to be out. It’s realizing you may need to keep your whole relationship mystery from relatives. It’s the capability of encountering physical savagery.
A year ago, Melania Geymonat Ramirez and Chris (who decided to keep her surname private) were ambushed on a London transport by a gathering of youngsters while out on the town. The youngsters were furious that Melania and Chris wouldn’t play out their sexuality for them. At the time Geymonet told press including the Guardian, “We decided to tell the story because this situation needs to change, and maybe this helps a little.” Adding: “For me, it was a moral obligation. This needs to stop. This was a terrible episode, and maybe [if] we say something, we can contribute to something bigger.” Chris wrote an opinion piece for the Guardian flagging that the violence they experienced might not have attracted quite as much international coverage had the story not been about the, “victimisation of a pretty brunette and blonde.” Adding that when it comes to those who don’t fit the white, cis, patriarchal vision of queerness, the press seems to often look the other way. “The commodification and exploitation of my face came at the expense of other victims whose constant persecution apparently does not warrant similar moral outrage,” she wrote.
This is an extreme case of homophobic violence but I assure you that whenever you’re out with a same sex partner and not in a safe space, the risk of something like it happening is always at the back of your mind. Whether it’s when you’re kissing and someone makes a vile comment or shouts “LESBIAN!” Or when you’re chastised by a taxi driver for holding hands. Or when you’re asked lurid and invasive questions about your sex life by someone whose surname you don’t even know. Or when a straight woman tells you they wish they could be gay, discounting your whole experience and the struggles you face by just being.